i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
