Dual....:-)
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
