Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
