I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
