Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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