He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
