I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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