His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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