My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
babies were throwing up all over the place
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
