so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
