Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
