i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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