white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
