We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
