i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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