Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
