If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
