saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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