I think I just saw someone hide a body.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
