I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
