Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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