Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
