do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
