I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
