Your tits are I can't wait for
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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