I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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