My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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