i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
