just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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