So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
