Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
