wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
