New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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