I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
