He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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