There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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