All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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