you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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