My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
