i wish there were pregnant emoticons
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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