woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
