I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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