he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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