She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
