I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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