woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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