that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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