he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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