You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
