i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
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Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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