Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
