2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there's paper in my vomit.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
