I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
