I want to have your abortion
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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