You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
