i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
