Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
