but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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