I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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