This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
