Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize