Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
please don't ironically join a cult
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