I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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