Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
