I just threw up on my dentist
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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