Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
