I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize