He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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