just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
