I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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