She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
