He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
