Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
