I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
