Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
