you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
