So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
