did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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