Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize