Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
